This is a rather self-indulgent update about where i currently am. But any blog about yourself is self-indulgent, so i apologise in advance.
I do what i can, as should all fags for their superiors. The sacrifices go deep, forgoing holidays, drinks out with friends, treats, meals out, and anything spent on myself that i don't need to get by. I have a low paid boring office job, but at least i'm fortunate enough to have a job in these difficult times. But i can do more.
When i see some amazing fellow fags here tributing figures more than i earn in a week, it does get me down that i can't do better for my Owner. He currently works hard and long hours in a good job with a lot of responsibilities over others in turbulent times, so doesn't currently have a lot of time that other Masters have to help fags to hand over what he deserves and is rightfully his. That frustrates me because he is the most wonderful and most deserving Alpha Man. I love him. He always wants what's best for me, and looks after me and my development as a subordinate inferior to real Men that i had never imagined possible... not only in findom. He always finds the time, even when he's busy working. I never expect anything, but he is always there, ready to help.
But in the end, we all do what we can, or should do, to our own abilities. Over the past year since he found me, he's taught me so much about how right findom is for me, and how it's right for me to change how i live for the One who deserves my devotion. I owe him such a lot for showing me where i fit into things. He has developed me as a sissy for str8 men to use me, which is something i initially resisted but now feel very confident in as i get used more and more by local real Men. It's something which really helps my image of myself as a subordinate to be used, and has become deeply rewarding for me as i see myself less as a man and more as an object to be used.
I've grown in confidence in my natural role and confidence in my position in life as a 'loser', and express it forthrightly in the chatroom. I'm aware that can be irritating to some. I've expressed to my Owner my concern about my ego, but he has told me that my ego is fine, and i should be proud of what has been achieved under his training and to express it. But humility has to come first, and I dislike that i've become a loud-mouthed faggot, unable to control my enthusiasm for my progress and improvement in his care.
My current target is set for a year, and is significantly more than the £1,800 or so of last year. It gives me a sense of long term stability under him. The heavily increased amount reflects previously undeveloped areas where i can make further cuts and savings that haven't been tapped, and gives me a constant awareness that i have to achieve more for him. I'm very grateful to him for enabling it, and providing the stability it provides.
More recently, i am undergoing what i refer to as therapy sessions with him on Skype, as we talk face to face, with intox and poppers in what is my real condition as a sissy girl. It is proving to be intensely productive in my development, and really impacting on my mental development in the right direction for me.
I know i owe him such a lot. I'm one very lucky faggot. All any of us can do is our very best, and we should all continually reach for that goal.
Nice post sister. It is pointless to compare with other slaves as we don't all have the same possibilities, what matters is to do one's best, to sacrifice, and to make progress.
You are right, SIR.No fags are the same, or our abilities. Just get very frustrated i can't provide what you de$erve, but i know no fag could provide what you truly de$erve from us. Thank you for everything you are, my beloved Master.
