When a sub leaves from Switch's blog

One thing that I wasn’t prepared for was losing a sub. 


It wasn’t recent, it happened a couple of months ago. We’d developed a strong relationship that transcended findom and kink. It moved beyond the traditional understanding of that relationship, and was a friendship. I think we became a part of each other’s lives - we discussed things (often without detail, and sometimes fudging the truth) happening in our lives. We followed each other’s story over the course of months as major changes happened. We shared things with each other about the scene, about the people, about things we found ridiculous, we found funny, we found hot. 


It was the first time I found a true connection with a sub, and found someone I could communicate with in a real way. I learned a lot from him and discovered my strengths through his feedback. 


He moved on. He left OwnedFags, decided to focus on his life outwith the kink. And that’s fine, it’s the circle of life.

 

I just didn’t expect that so far down the line, I’d miss him still. We need to prepare ourselves for the (sometimes) inevitable truth that our relationships might not last as long as we like. I debated for a long time speaking about it, wondered if it was silly - the man’s not dead, I just don’t have a forwarding address. 


Let’s be more open about what our subs mean to us. There’s a lot of bravado, a lot of wariness about being close to the people we speak to on an often daily basis, but they form such a large part of who we are here - the ‘us’ that we cultivate. How can we not miss them when they go? 


Just some reflections (aided by gin, admittedly). 



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