July.
As the month progressed and we get closer to the next meet at the end of the month the VM’s changed. Gone was the friendly way BS37SKIN used to speak to me. It was about me serving and nothing else. I found this so hard to deal with but stupidly said nothing about it. I get to the morning I was meant to get the train over to see the Boss and very nearly didn’t go. My soul was broken. But decided if this was going to end I should at the very least go and do this in person. BS37SKIN deserved my respect if nothing else. The 4 hour train journey was hell. All the thoughts going through my mind of what was going to happen. The time came for me to meet my owner arrived. We went into the hotel room and I just broke down. Explaining how I felt with tears in my eyes. (Just like now thinking about it). To the full credit of BS37SKIN. he let me say everything without interrupting me or getting angry with me. And then he threw his arms around me and apologised for how things had turned over the last 3 weeks. This apology was sincere and heartfelt. We sat and talked everything through. And then he said there would be no play that evening and we should go and get sone food. To my utter surprise he took me to his place of work and another place which means a lot to him before taking me to his home for the evening. We talked more. And I was totally at ease.
The one thing I would say at this point is communication is vital. Both for the Dom and the Sub. We are not mind readers. And the smallest of issues can grow into someone far bigger if we are not careful.
The rest of my week with BS37SKIN could not have been more perfect. We talked lots. And I got to serve lots too. And I got to shower him in gifts for his birthday including all 3 new Rugby Shirts which he had said I would pay for when we first started all this.
August.
The month started off with me sinking in mood. Not because of anything my owner had done. But after having the best week of my life, the realisation I would have to wait until November to see him again.
Try as I did. I couldn’t snap out of this dark feeling I was living. I eventually told BS37SKIN what the issue was and as always he was very supportive. The long period I had to wait was purely down to both of us having a busy few months ahead. I had already been given permission to go away for a week with an old friend which helped and that was all booked in. At the end of August I joined an amazing site (this one) which has helped me through the darkest of days and also brought me so much joy and peace.
September.
3 weeks of the month we’re going to be hard. 1 weeks holiday for me followed directly by 2 weeks holiday for BS37SKIN. Because of this the contact reduced dramatically. But I had my instructions for each day and I was getting by. (Just). I was starting to make new “friends” on here too. And this is where I made the biggest mistake of my owned life. I am not going to go into detail but at a time where BS37SKIN needed my total and utter support the most, I fucked up. I let him down. Although my mistake was entirely innocent, I accept it was a mistake I should not have made. TPE is exactly that. I should have asked permission before I agreed to do something, and I know now, he would not have given permission, for my own good. Not to be hard on me, but because he really cares about his property. I will never forget this, and the impact it had on both BS37SKIN and on me. I am still paying the price for this. Desperately trying to build up the trust he once had in me.
October.
I was in a bad place. I’d made the biggest error in judgement and was now paying the price. Being owned fully is not easy as I said in part 1. It takes real commitment on both sides. I knew I had to prove myself all over again. Only this time it was going to so much harder for both of us. The meeting in November was put on hold. Which I fully expected and did not push for. This was now the time to show BS37SKIN my commitment to him is 100% true and real. It’s so true what they say. You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. Now was not the time to be his faggot but a loyal friend. To show him I fully understand his decision and accept where we are. Did I cry? Only every day, but didn’t tell BS37SKIN. It was not appropriate to do so. Manipulation is not my thing and never will be.
November
We agreed to slowly get things back on track and meet as planned. The conversation in the car back to mine was hard. Taking through my errors all the time. I had no option but to accept this. seeing how much I had let down the one man I love unconditionally and this almost broke me.
I swear the gods were out to test me this weekend. My owner got some bad news when he was with me which again challenged our very existence as a Boss and his faggot. We talked it through over some very good port in London and went to on a tour of something I had booked for BS37SKIN months ago then went back for more port and sorted things out.
December.
What a rollercoaster of a month. Real highs and lows of the dynamic and being ferociously honest sone of the lows were all in my head looking back. I am always saying how amazing BS37SKIN is. And he is. He really is, However. He makes mistakes too. And he is the fist to admit it. Not just to me but he has said as much on this site. This shows he is human too. Even the most perfect owner can forget things and although to me he is my king and a worship him unconditionally, I also have to remember he is human. The life outside of this dynamic also has to take front and centre. We can’t always be there for each other. But we are when it counts the most. Yes. He is a far better person than I am most of the time.I don’t mean in a D/s way. He just is. I am learning to be a better person and a better sub with his help and guidance. Over the last 6 months I have learnt so much about him as a person and I hope I am learning to be a better faggot for him too. Ultimately that’s all I ever wanted to be. A good friend to him and his number 1 faggot which I have last that title and really want it back.
As we enter a new year and this is day 365 of true TPE for me. Let’s all take a moment to reflect on 2023 and see how we can build better connections and keep working at the lows to make them more positive.
A true TPE whilst is rewarding for both the Dom and the sub is not an easy path for either party. It takes real commitment and communication to make this work. This has been one hell of a year. If I didn’t experience some of the lows then I would not appreciate the rest of the time. I hope to learn from my mistakes and make less of them. I’m not going to say I won’t make any in the future, because I’m also human. I have feelings and I know that sometimes I make the wrong decisions based on feelings and not facts.
Throughout the last 2 months I have found owned fags to be a secure place to talk with others (both Doms and Subs without being judged. Made sone good connections along the way. The important thing for me is, they guys on here have supported me through my darkest of days without them realising. The Lazy Lounge is a great place to go to for a natter and some light hearted fun whilst always being respectful to everyone in there. I mean. It would reflect so badly on BS37SKIN if I was anything but respectful. MOA has created an outstanding place to be, a great community where we can all be who we are. (Even if the bogs do stink). I am always open to suggestions on how to become a better faggot. And also if anyone ever feels low and just needs an ear or wants to talk through their lows in this crazy but beautiful world we share.
Please. Everyone, take the time to ask once in while how your Dom or Sub Is feeling. Make sure everything is ok. Even that question can be enough sometimes to show you care. This can be a ferocious world. So showing you care is the most valuable advice I can give anyone.
If you’re the sort of sub who gets upset and down easily. Think very hard before entering into being owned. It can be soul searching and hard at times. Please reach out to the community if you need to. It’s a good place to start. X
Thanks for reading this if you got this far.
As always a very loyal and respectful faggot to his owner. BS37SKIN. here is to a new year and more control exchange. You really are my world.
Right from day 1 BS37SKIN told me it was full TPE or nothing. His masculinity and power was taking over my mind from the moment we first talked. Agreeing to a meet within only weeks was the clincher. Making this real. The first 4 weeks were intense. Hard drains both financially and taking the power from me. Getting deep into my head. Showing me this is not just what he wants but also what I crave.
From day 1 he saw what I craved and knew what I was about and tuned my biggest fetish into my uniform. To be worn at all times outside of work. (Orange Hi-Vis and wellingtons). Showing he knew what made me tick as a sub and embracing that instead of changing me into something that I was not.
The first meet.
Having arranged our first meet on the first week of this new life the day arrived. I can honesty say I have never been as terrified in my life. Obviously in a truly honest and open TPE as this had become I told him this before he set off on the 3 hour journey to meet his faggot. He could not have been more reassuring to me. Telling me everything will be fine and my limits will be respected albeit pushed. Knowing he was on his way to meet his property made my heart race so much I swear it was going to bust out of my body. The fear of what was about to happen was still there but far less. There was no turning back now.
Upon greeting my Owner. (Not just my Master) I was on my knees at his boots in seconds. Showing him my real and true obedience to him. And then it happened. The chain he had got for me was put on. The proudest moment of my life to date. That stupid beaming grin on my face showing him this was all very real for me.
We went out for a shopping trip to Brighton. Obviously paid for fully by me. Levi jeans. Timberland boots. Work boots.The best part was going into the Apple Store and buying a tracker. TPE means just that. BS37SKIN should always know where I am. I asked him to do this. This was me giving up more freedom to show him my devotion is true.
I must admit. I had no idea how to be “me” on this first visit. Didn’t know if this was to be a one off meeting. But stayed in 100% faggot mode. Only sitting down in public once he instructed me to do so. Before he left he shaved my head fully and instructed me to stay that way for ever. I have shaved my head at 9pm every night since.
A’s February went on the control was getting deeper and deeper. Now tracked. I have to ask permission to leave the house. Knowing full well he will know where I am. And a second date in the diary. All my dreams had come true. It was only now, I realised how busy my owner is. Giving up so much of his free time for other people and arranging a second meeting so quickly meant even more to me than he would ever know. Covid gets me in February and without being over dramatic I truly thought it was game over. Multiple times in hospital. through it all. BS37SKIN was there for me. Looking after me, showing real care and getting me through my darkest days.
As we moved into March the rinsing was more often. But more so the power exchange was taking a real turn of events. Now having to ask permission to piss. A real true connection. Going further than I’d ever gone before. Deeper and deeper under his power. And yet all the time feeling more safe and secure now than I’d ever felt in my entire life. Taking over my online life and in real time too. BS37SKIN now has full access to my online profiles and takes no time in changing them to show I am his owned faggot. No longer just a secret between him and me. This is now my proudest moment. To have an owner who is happy and proud to take control of me publicly as well as in private.
April arrives and with it the second meet happens. This time over the Easter weekend. It is now not only his control takes full effect but I realise my trust in him is real and I start to love the man I call Sir. I know what I am to him and will never forget that. But now I know I love this man my devotion gets deeper and deeper. I finally get to purchase the one thing I’ve been craving to do, my owners Season ticket for the rugby. Having a real positive impact on his life. The daily voice mails he sends me keep me wanting to go further and further. It’s all about the connection for me. And he has that true connection with me. As we talk about things outside of all this and get to know each other better. Much more relaxed in his presence too. A true Owner I can be myself with. Brand new uniforms arrive with the logo my owner created for me. Now fully proud to be seen out wearing my owners brand 24/7
May. The power exchange continues. Now I am given Meal times and bed times. My love for him as my owner is now deeply cemented. I never want this power exchange to end. I have a purpose in life. His care for my wellbeing is a true credit to his personality and who he is.
June. A few short weeks until our next meet. Only this time I get to visit my owner on his turf. We discuss chastity. And agree this not something either of us need. He knows I’d never touch myself without permission and even then at cost. My devotion and dedication is stronger now than I ever believed possible. BS37SKIN now controls when I get up. When I eat, when I piss and go to bed. And also when I am allowed out of the house.
I had no idea just how much this life was meant for me. Always thought it was a horny idea but not a reality. BS37SKIN showed me this is just what I was missing. And truly helped me to get here.
Being owned and controlled fully. Is not as easy as it sounds. For either the owner or the owned. I will explain more of that in part 2 how being allowed to join this community has changed a lot for me.
Until then.
Happy New Year Everyone
BS37SKINsfaggot.
In most scenarios our word is our bond and a testimony to who we are alongside the character of who we are.
We may not all have to get along, we may not all like each other however this time of year we remember that not everyone is in a good place for various sets of reasons.
Remember those who had value in the stock and substance of being you for they will be the ones who are there in the good times, the bad and the low moments we do not always share.
What ever you choose to do this Christmas Day remember and be the best honest version of you that you can be.
Merry Christmas 🎄
However not everyone will be feeling overly Merry
There will be those maked to live a lie as they must ensue time with family that have issues with the way they are, for others such as myself it is a sad time as we remember those we have lost and have left a gaping hole in the celebrations
So remember be thankful that we here are a community that care about each other and look out for one another
Crois-sin
This is pup's Crois-sin tribute to Master Zal.
The prologue.
With life, that includes kink, we often find ourselves in situations that test our boundaries. We all have boundaries that we think we will never cross. Often those self-imposed boundaries, whether they are placed there due to fear, disgust, lack of knowledge, or by society, limit us to experiencing life to the fullest. How is one to grow and flourish in life if we do not test our boundaries to see if they are firm boundaries or fluid ones? Maybe if I had tested the boundaries I placed upon myself earlier in life, my life might be a more full and complete life now, versus stumbling around trying to discover who I really am.
A person who has a fear of heights live their life paralyzed by that fear that limits the many things that can be exhilarating and freeing. They may never feel the slow antagonizing climb of a rollercoaster car as it noisily clicks it way to the summit high in the air, their palms gripping the bar in fear as they get closer and closer to the crest. Or the feeling of abandonment and total lack of control they have over the outcome what they are about to face as the car is frozen at the top for a mere second before it begins plummeting downward. They will never feel the rush of the wind against their face or the make of nature as gravity presses their body into the back of the seat unable to move. As the car they are in, joined with other cars, making it a train, continues to hurl itself down the track through twists and turns they, will never experience the rush of adrenaline that one feels during those exhilarating moments in time. And as the ride comes to the end of its thrilling journey they will not relish in the empirical sensations of their tense muscles relaxing as the rush of adrenaline ends leaving them relaxed and with a complete sense of satisfaction.
This Crois-sin is not only the revealing of one of pup's deep, dark secrets but it is the rollercoaster ride of feelings of excitement and fear of revealing it publicly as commanded by Masteral Zal.
The deep, dark secret.
Pup started talking to a man on a cruising app in 2021. Pup knew the chances of a hookup were slim to nil but nothing ventured is nothing gained. As the saying goes, this man was built like a brick đź’©house. His biceps were massive, his hairy armpits could tantilize a hermit out of seclusion. The curve of his round buttocks looked like two soft pillows of clouds that met to reveal the promised land of sweet temptations to be fulfilled. On top of all of that, he was a construction worker, tolling under the hot, unforgiving sun all day.
Through our conversation he revealed that he liked he have his muscles and body worshipped by other men. He said it gave him a mental high watching another man caress, kiss and lick his muscular body. (Maybe pup stood a chance after all.) Pup threw caution to the wind and informed him that not only did pup enjoy all of that but that pup also enjoyed the natural smell and taste of a man after he had been working all day. This intrigued him. Through more probing questions by him, he came to understand just how much of a faggot pig pup was. We arranged a date and time for him to come over, right after work unshowered.
On the appointed day and time pup nervously awaited his arrival carefully following the instructions he gave pup. Pup naked, was kneeling on the floor, the only thing on was pup's Chasity cage securely locked in place. Pup was holding a tray in front of pup with an ice-cold Heineken on the tray awaiting his arrival. The lights of a vehicle flashed across the front window as he pulled into the driveway. This was followed by the sound of his heavy work boots on the front stairs. There was no turning back now.
He knocked on the door before opening it and walked in. There before naked pup stood a man so many fags dream about. Wearing dirty jeans, a tight grey tshirt under a high viz safety vest and dirty, worn workboots on his feet. We both just stayed where we where, him looking down at pup, pup staring up at him. He broke the trance we both were in by reaching and grabbing the ice cold beer still sitting on the tray pup was holding. He twisted off the cap, tossing it aside and took a long chug of the beer. He let out a belch and stated "Those boots are not going to take themselves off." Setting the tray aside, pup bent down and took the first workboot off. The smell was overwhelming. He grabbed the boot from pup's hand and shoved it into pup's face, making pup to inhale the years of sweat that had been embedded into the leather. Laughing he dropped the boot saying "Now the other one." Pup promptly obeyed.
After pup had finished sniffing both of his boots, he pushed past pup, popping himself onto the couch and guzzled the rest of the beer down. Letting out a belch he said "Get me another one." and pup did exactly that. The next hour was spent with pup exploring every inch of his body. Breathing in the unique manly scents of each area, licking, kissing and caressing every muscle. Pup was busy working his balls in and out of pup's mouth as he finished a 3rd beer. He let out another belch, pushed pup's head away from his delicious balls and he stood up. "I have to use the john, where is it?" Pointing down the hall pup blurted out "I will drink it Sir." Reaching down, he pulled pup up off of pup's knees and chuckling replied "You will do more than that." Pup followed him down the hall, mesmerized by his two, fuzzy asscheeks as he walked towards the bathroom.
Entering the bathroom, he quickly sat down on the toilet. Spreading his legs, he ordered pup to get between them and get ready to drink. Pup obeyed, kneeling between his spread legs, lowering pup's head and taking the head of his cock into pup's eager mouth as he placed his right hand on the back of pup's head. "Get ready" he commanded "It's about to blow!" Pup definitely was not ready for the torrential burst of piss that he let loose. Pup struggled to swallow it all as quickly as possible. He held pup's head in place with both hands repeating over and over "Good boy, swallow it all." As the piss continued to flow into pup's mouth the room was filled with the growing sound of pup desperately trying to breathe more air through pup's nose.
Having finally finished pissing, pup let out a burp while his cock was still in pup's mouth. He laughed, slapped pup's cheek and asked "You enjoyed that didn't you?" Pup started to pull pup's head off his cock and he pushed pup's head back down saying "Oh no, we are not finished, start sucking." Pup started to suck his cock as he grabbed pup's head by the hair, guiding pup on how he wanted pup to suck it. Suddenly he maked his cock all the way down pup's throat, pup's nose now buried in his bush, and let out a massive fart. Pup tried to pull pup's head up but he held it firmly in place, making pup to breathe in the stench of his fart. He finally released pup's head and pup sat back, gasping for air as the smell of his fart still lingered in the air.
He looked at pup and laughed, "It was just a fart!" Grabbing pup by the head again, he guided pup's mouth back to his cock and said "Keep sucking." Pup, thinking to pupself "Maybe he didn't mean to fart" started to suck his cock again. With both hands on pup's head again, he started shove pup's head faster and faster up and down the length of his shaft. Once again he maked his cock all the way down pup's throat and pressed it there. Pup was thinking he was about to cum. He let out a moan but pup did not feel or taste the sudden flood of cum pup expected in pup's mouth. As pup struggled to breathe pup heard all the familiar sound of something hiting the surface of the water in the toilet. Struggling to break free from his grasp on pup's head he shoved pup's mouth back down his shaft, let out another moan that was followed by another splash in the toilet.
Releasing the firm grip he had on pup's head, he leaned back against the toilet tank and stated with a satisfied smirk on his, "Damn that felt good." Pup, still kneeling on the floor between his spread legs looked up at him in bewilderment. "I never consented to that Sir." pup meekly replied. Looking down at pup he ordered pup to get up off the floor. After pup had stood up he rose from the toilet brushed past pup grabbing pup's hand as he passed. "Come with me boy." He commanded. He led pup into the bedroom. He proceeded to jump onto pup's bed laughing and pulling pup with him. Still laughing he pulled pup on top of himself and then rolled pup by his side. "Bury your nose in my pit, boy." he softly whispered "You know you want to." Pup nestled pup's nose into his hairy pit, feeling pupself drift into obedience as the manly aroma of his working man's scent once again filled pup's nostrils.
Pup could not think of a place where pup would rather be right now then where pup currently was. Pup's naked body pressed against his, feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest as he took each breath. He started to whisper to pup in a low, measured tone "You said you wanted to worship me, serve me, please me. You have done that boy. You have proved yourself to be a very good boy tonight." The deep timber of his voice and the words he was saying filled pup's mind, pushing all other thoughts out of it. The tectonic vibrations of his voice filled pup's head, luring pup into a trance state of longing and surrender. He continued on with his hypnotic voice as he began to stroke the back of pup's head " You belong to me, I own you right now. You crave nothing more than to serve me, please me, be controlled by me. That is your purpose, the reason you were born, the reason you exist, to be used by me, to fulfill my selfish needs." The world ceased to exist for pup outside the 4 walls of the bedroom. Time and space had been suspended as pup fell further and further under his spell. Pup knew he spoke the truth, was saying the words pup had always longed to hear.
He slowly started to roll over, disengaging his body from pups'. He was now lying on his belly and pup's eyes began to travel down the length of his back before arriving at his beautifully sculpted ass. "Give in to who you are boy, accept and embrace your fate" he continued. Without thinking pup started to run pup's hand down his back, from his massive deltoids to his beautiful glutes, feeling his satiny smooth skin that was stretched over them. "Let go of all your inhibitions, set yourself free to be who you are." His words, ebbing and flowing through the air like a sexual opera written by a Master composer had a hypnoticeffect on pup. "Worship my ass boy, use your mouth, your tongue to explore my ass, crack and hole." Pup was unable to resist his words, resist his orders. It was as if the makes of nature were compelling pup towards an unexplored destination pup was meant to journey to.
Moving to position pupself between his spread legs, pup's hands continued to caress the mounds of his ass as pup began lowering his mouth towards the crevice between the two mountains of manly flesh. The first kisses of pup's lips upon the perfect globes of his ass sent tingles of sensations through pup's body. Hearing his muffled words of direction in the back of pup's brain, ordering pup to spread his cheeks wide, pup followed his commands. Pup got his first look at his puckered hole, twitching with little movements that beckoned pup's tongue forward. He reached back with his hand and started to gently urge pup's head closer. "Lick my hole boy, do it now." he growled out, and pup obeyed him.
As pup's tongue first met with the sides of his cheeks it was filled with the salty residue left behind from hours of sweating, working in the scorching heat of the day. Pup's head jerked back in reaction to the bitter and tangy taste of his unclean hole that met pup's tongue as it took the first lick. The taste was what pup imagines rotting fish mixed with bitter coffee would taste like. Feeling pup's resistance, he applied more pressure to the back of pup's head while commanding pup to lick his hole. "Do it boy, lick it boy, clean my hole!" he demanded, "I want you to do this, you need to do this, you want to do this." He started to wiggle his ass to get his hole where he wanted pup to lick it. Pup continued to flick pup's tongue on and around his hole as he started to moan in pleasure. Getting used to the taste and spurred on by his moans, pup started to lick his hole more.
There is a unique sense of power that can overcome a sub when their actions illicit a strong response of pleasure from the man they are serving. That power overcame pup at that moment. He pushed himself back on his knees, his head pressed into the pillow, esposing his hole to receive more pleasure from pup's tongue. Pup started licking more eagerly, forgetting pup's repulsion at the act pup was preforming. He pushed pup's head further between his ass cheeks moaning out "Stick your tongue in my hole." Pup plunged pup's tongue into his dirty hole, once again being overwhelmed by the strong taste.
Suddenly, he flipped his one leg over pup's head, collapsing on his back as he grabbed his large, throbbing cock. "Suck it" he shouted, "I am going to cum!" Pup shoved his cock into pup's mouth and started to suck it in earnest. A few strokes of pup's lips up and down his shaft was all it took to bring him to his anticipated orgasm. His cum flooded pup's mouth as he shot a huge load hitting the back of pup's mouth. Pup clamped pup's lips firmly around his shaft as his cock throbbed and pulsed as his cum began sliding down pup's throat. Pup could feel his body start to relax although his breathing was still laboured. Pup laid pup's head on the thigh of his one leg while pup continued suckling on his softening cock.
Pup is not sure how long we both laid their like that, both lost in the thoughts of our own, little worlds. His breathing had returned to normal and pup let his soft cock slip from pup's mouth. Lying there, nose buried into the bush surrounding his cock, breathing in his musky scent, pup felt a sense of contentment and belonging. He reached down with his left hand, taking hold of his limp cock and pointed it towards pup's mouth. "Open up" he said "I have to piss." Those words were not spoken as a command or order but spoken with a the knowledge and natural confidence one has when they know their words will be followed without objection. Pup took his cock into pup's mouth and had barely closed pup's lips around the head when he started to piss. It wasn't like the urgent piss from earlier but a steady stream of his golden liquid filling pup's mouth, dancing over the tastebuds on pup's tongue before traveling warmly down pup's throat heading to fill pup's belly. He pulled his cock from pup's mouth, slapped it against the cheek of pup's face and said "Get up, I have to head home."
We both stood and he walked out of the bedroom, his cock swinging in front of him as pup followed behind, once again watching the cheeks of his ass bounce as he walked. An ass, that a short time earlier, pup had licked clean. In the living room, he pulled on his socks, underwear and his dirt covered pants, pulled the grey tshirt over his head and slipped his feet into the scruffy, worn workbooks. He held his vest in his one hand as he pulled pup into a warm embrace. He whispered to pup, "Youre a good boy, you did a good job tonight." As he released pup from his hug he placed a soft, gentle kiss on pups forehead and said "Thank you."
He turned and walked out the front door, closing it behind him, leaving pup standing there nude, pup's cock still locked in its Chasity cage, as pup listened to the sound of his boots hitting the stairs as he left. A moment later pup heard the sound of the truck door close as the low rumble of his engine filled the night air. Pup watched as the headlights of his truck receded as he backed out of the driveway and then disappear into the darkness of the night as he drove away.
Epilogue
That is pup's deep, dark secret. Pup had sucked a man's cock while he took a dump and then licked his ass clean afterwards. It is now laid out for all to see and judge. The event that pup revealed was a true occurrence. Pup wrote from a perspective of looking back over two years. If pup had written shortly after it happened, it probably would have been written differently. It is funny how as tiime passes, our view of things and how we react to them changes. After it happened, pup was filled with self-loathing and disgust. Those feelings have softened considerably with the passing of time. Pup has never repeated what took place.
They say a man can be judged by the quality of his character. What they don't say, is that his character is formed by every positive and negative thing he encounters and deals with. One of those things is the secrets we wrap in a cocoon and bury within ourselves afraid of them being exposed for others to see. Today pup freed one of pup's secrets from the cocoon it is wrapped in and has set it free like a butterfly to soar and float on the currents of the universe, it's destiny no longer controlled by pup. Some will see this as a beautiful thing and others will see it as food to fuel their nastiness and bitterness they have inside themselves. To sit back and judge the experiences and the journey of others is a foolhardy endeavor that reveals the lack of substance in one's own life. Either way, it is a burden pup no longer has to carry around inside of pup. They say confessions help to cleanse one's soul, today pup's soul has been partly cleansed.
When Master Zal first ordered pup to do this Crois-sin, pup wanted to choose one that would help pup grow. Pup wanted to do one that was truly respectful of what Master Zal was seeking when he first developed the idea. Although it took pup time to work up the courage to write it, pup was determined to see it through from beginning to the end. As pup was writing this, words Master Zal said to pup were constantly in pup's mind. Those words gave pup not only the courage pup needed but helped pup conquer pup's fear. Those words were "Pup has nothing to fear as long as Master stands by pup's side." Thank you for your encouragement Master Zal and for standing by your pup's side. Pup may be a scared, little shaking Chihuahua but pup hopes to become the hound you see inside of your pup and the hound you want your pup to become. This has truly been a cathartic experience for pup. Thank you for that Master Zal.
With Love
Pupzz
On and off I've been part of OF a good few years now, and while never very high profile, have had some amazing experiences from it. I have a deeply submissive streak to my personality that is difficult to explain to others, or even myself. But I also seem to have become very lonely in recent times, one of these middle aged men often in the news, single, whose friendship group seems to have evaporated without me really being aware of it, part of the 'loneliness epidemic' that seems to be part of our modern life. Findom has always been an illicit thrill for me in the past, but recently I'm wondering what my motivation is, whether I am in fact using it to pay for attention and contact with other men, other men who would not look at me for any other reason. A way of fulfilling fantasies that I couldn't hope to realise for free, and to be honest, filling empty hours when there is nothing else going on in my life. I think for me part of this is the retreat of the realtime world in the face of the online; I used to be very much part of the fetish scene in London when I was younger and more self-confident (and when there was more of it) but now much of my life is lived through a screen and contact with other men is much more transactional, I think that is just the nature of the beast. But I wonder where I'm going with this, whether I'm just paying for an immediate thrill and to stave off unhappiness and fear of growing old, and how sustainable that is.
Ownership is a term that so many of us use but so few of us actually understand its meaning.
I recently was talking to one of my fags about why he was important to me. He was feeling a bit down about his worth to me and if he was meeting my standards. First, I will say that this should be the mentality of all who serve. You should be thinking about whether or not you are meeting the standards required and if you can improve in your service. That being said, at this point I started thinking that sometimes findom and ownership get mixed in a way that can be unclear or difficult for a sub to understand and more importantly devote himself to.
I personally am a firm believer in bonding with my boys. I want to grow to care for them and have them obviously grow to care for me. I want to know about his life and how he is developing in it and I enjoy sharing my life with him. Keeping my sub safe, be it in the form of keeping this part of his life secret or just actual safety measures in his service are also important. This all leads to real trust and a true bond. I think that this bond, if nurtured well can create a relationship that is gratifying for both parties and can create very intense desire and need to serve from the sub.
While the findom aspect of things is hot and I enjoy it, I want their obedience to me to be about much more than that. Otherwise, what is the point? Granted I can use them for money and I will always do that very hard… but luckily, I am well off enough that finances are not a good enough reason to keep a sub. Granted, the findom aspect is a major turn on and useful both from the practical and enjoyment standpoints. Nothing is hotter than a good cashfucking, having that cashpussy open up for me is one of the hottest things and will never get old.
However, true ownership is when a sub can’t stop thinking about his owner. It is when he finds peace and balance in his life just knowing that his one true purpose is to make me happy. This level of devotion does not happen overnight and it takes time and work on both our parts to make it happen. However, once the sub knows his place and his happiness comes from knowing he has brought me pleasure, well then new worlds open up and he can embrace his life as my property without guilt or denial.
Often times, men are taught by the world that they need to be strong and dominant in their life to have any meaning. Yet, for many subs, this simply does not apply. Their meaning comes from devoting themselves to an Alpha and worshipping him in ways that the vanilla world would probably scoff at. However, the goal and accomplishment of leaving behind those arbitrarily taught norms and embracing the true nature of being a sub, can be liberating for someone who was born to serve. Helping a sub realize this and finally having him give himself permission to devote himself to me is so beautiful. Not only does it make my cock hard but also my heart melt. That moment when he finally gives himself to me without any restriction and knows that he belongs to me in every way, it is something truly magical.
Today I was put in the pillory for my master. I was very excited because you totally lose control of the money you have to give at the pillory. But I was also really curious to see what it felt like. It really turns me on to give up control and simply obey an order. I would rather carry out other orders than gambling: showing myself, taking photos, even in public or similar.
I don't have so much money that I can give mega sums to my master.
It was an interesting experience and I like it to give up control.
I also liked the fact that my master insulted and belittled me in the meantime. In the end it was 210 tips and my master ordered me to pay the rest up to 300.
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