SubX's blog

No Regrets

I was recently sent to the dungeon for sending after being told to stop tributing. In fairness, I believe the word "should" was used, but I've since learned that, in this context, "should" actually means "will". But I'm getting off topic. I didn't understand. I've been doing this for years, I knew when to stop. I had been telling Boss I was fine, I had it under control and I had no regrets. Actually I told him a couple of times I had no regrets. I was about to tell him a third, when I suddenly started questioning that. Why don't I feel any regret? Maybe regret isn't the right word. Concern? Worry? Regardless of what it is, I've always felt it. I've sent much less and felt it. And, in the past, that feeling is what I had used to control myself.  

Without it, I was actually at risk of losing control.  

It can be fun and exciting living on the edge of a cliff. 
I like knowing that i'm doing all I possibly can, and more for Boss. I think he's enjoying it too. But the beauty of living on the edge of that cliff is you can always walk back from it. It's scary, there's risk, but ultimately, as long as you're careful, It can be a very thrilling and rewarding place to live. But that lack of regret was keeping me from being careful.  

Fortunately Boss gave me a wake up call and sent me to the Dungeon.

I'm learning to control myself. I'm learning when i need to say no. And it's not easy. Fortunately, I'm not doing this alone. We're learning where the cliff's edge is together. He's taken control. I'm listening now. I know I have to take responsibility, and Im getting there. We're progressing towards further financial control, but he's also encouraging me to not be reliant and dependent on him alone for self preservation. But, in the meantime. it's so comforting knowing I'm serving the most wonderful Boss who would rather send me to the dungeon than let me throw myself off that cliff.
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