July.  

As the month progressed and we get closer to the next meet at the end of the month the VM’s changed. Gone was the friendly way BS37SKIN used  to speak to me.  It was about me serving and nothing else.   I found this so hard to deal with but stupidly said nothing about it.   I get to the morning I was meant to get the train over to see the Boss and very nearly didn’t go.  My soul was broken.  But decided if this was going to end I should at the very least go and do this in person.  BS37SKIN deserved my respect if nothing else.   The 4 hour train journey was hell.   All the thoughts going through my mind of what was going to happen.    The time came for me to meet my owner arrived.  We went into the hotel room and I just broke down.  Explaining how I felt with tears in my eyes.   (Just like now thinking about it).  To the full credit of BS37SKIN.  he let me say everything without interrupting me or getting angry with me.  And then he threw his arms around me and apologised for how things had turned over the last 3 weeks.   This apology was sincere and heartfelt.  We sat and talked everything through.  And then he said there would be no play that evening and we should go and get sone food.     To my utter surprise he took me to his place of work and another place which means a lot to him before taking me to his home for the evening.    We talked more.  And I was totally at ease.   

The one thing I would say at this point is communication is vital. Both for the Dom and the Sub.  We are not mind readers.  And the smallest of issues can grow into someone far bigger if we are not careful.   

The rest of my week with BS37SKIN could not have been more perfect.  We talked lots.  And I got to serve lots too.   And I got to shower him in gifts for his birthday including all 3 new Rugby Shirts which he had said I would pay for when we first started all this.  

August.  

The month started off with me sinking in mood.  Not because of anything my owner had done.  But after having the best week of my life, the realisation I would have to wait until November to see him again.  

Try as I did.  I couldn’t snap out of this dark feeling I was living.  I eventually told BS37SKIN what the issue was and as always he was very supportive.   The long period I had to wait was purely down to both of us having a busy few months ahead.   I had already been given permission to go away for a week with an old friend which helped and that was all booked in.  At the end of August I joined an amazing site (this one) which has helped me through the darkest of days and also brought me so much joy and peace.   

September.  

3 weeks of the month we’re going to be hard.  1 weeks holiday for me followed directly by 2 weeks holiday for BS37SKIN. Because  of this the contact reduced dramatically.  But I had my instructions for each day and I was getting by.  (Just).  I was starting to make new “friends” on here too.   And this is where I made the biggest mistake of my owned life.  I am not going to go into detail but at a time where BS37SKIN needed my total and utter support the most,  I fucked up. I let him down.  Although my mistake was entirely innocent, I accept it was a mistake I should not have made.  TPE is exactly that. I should have asked permission before I agreed to do something, and I know now, he would not have given permission, for my own good.  Not to be hard on me, but because he really cares about his property.  I will never forget this, and the impact it had on both BS37SKIN and on me. I  am still paying the price for this.  Desperately trying to build up the trust he once had in me. 

October.  

I was in a bad place. I’d made the biggest error in judgement and was now paying the price. Being owned fully is not easy as I said in part 1.  It takes real commitment on both sides.  I knew I had to prove myself all over again.  Only this time it was going to so much harder for both of us.  The meeting in November was put on hold.  Which I fully expected and did not push for.  This was now the time to show BS37SKIN my commitment to him is 100% true and real.  It’s so true what they say.  You don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone.  Now was not the time to be his faggot but a loyal friend.  To show him I fully understand his decision and accept where we are.  Did I cry?  Only every day, but didn’t tell BS37SKIN.  It was not appropriate to do so. Manipulation is not my thing and never will be.   

November 

We agreed to slowly get things back on track and meet as planned.   The conversation in the car back to mine was hard. Taking through my errors all the time.  I had no option but to accept this.  seeing how much I had let down the one man I love unconditionally and this almost broke me. 

I swear the gods were out to test me this weekend.  My owner got some bad news when he was with me which again challenged our very existence as a Boss and his faggot.   We talked it through over some very good port in London and went to on a tour of something I had booked for BS37SKIN months ago  then went back for more port and sorted things out.  

December. 

What a rollercoaster of a month.  Real highs and lows of the dynamic and being ferociously honest sone of the lows were all in my head looking back.  I am always saying how amazing BS37SKIN is.  And he is.  He really is, However. He makes mistakes too.  And he is the fist to admit it. Not just to me but he has said as much on this site.   This  shows he is human too.  Even the most perfect owner can forget things and although to me he is my king and a worship him unconditionally, I also have to remember he is human.  The life outside of this dynamic also has to take front and centre.  We can’t always be there for each other. But we are when it counts the most.  Yes.  He is a far better person than I am most of the time.I don’t mean in a D/s way.  He just is.  I am learning to be a better person and a better sub with his help and guidance.    Over the last 6 months I have learnt so much about him as a person and I hope I am learning to be a better faggot for him too.  Ultimately that’s all I ever wanted to be.  A good friend to him and his number 1 faggot which I have last that title and really want it back. 

As we enter a new year and this is day 365 of true TPE for me.  Let’s all take a moment to reflect on 2023 and see how we can build better connections and keep working at the lows to make them more positive.    

A true TPE whilst is rewarding for both the Dom and the sub is not an easy path for either party.  It takes real commitment and communication to make this work.  This has been one hell of a year.  If I didn’t experience some of the lows then I would not appreciate the rest of the time.  I hope to learn from my mistakes and make less of them.  I’m not going to say I won’t make any in the future, because I’m also human.  I have feelings and I know that sometimes I make the wrong decisions based on feelings and not facts.  

Throughout the last 2 months I have found owned fags to be a secure place to talk with others (both Doms and Subs without being judged.  Made sone good connections along the way.  The important thing for me is, they guys on here have supported me through my darkest of days without them realising.  The Lazy Lounge is a great place to go to for a natter and some light hearted fun whilst always being respectful to everyone in there.  I mean.  It would reflect so badly on BS37SKIN if I was anything but respectful.   MOA has created an outstanding place to be, a great community where we can all be who we are. (Even if the bogs do stink).  I am always open to suggestions on how to become a better faggot. And also if anyone ever feels low and just needs an ear or wants to talk through their lows in this crazy but beautiful world we share.  

Please. Everyone, take the time to ask once in while how your Dom or Sub Is feeling.  Make sure everything is ok.   Even that question can be enough sometimes to show you care.  This can be a ferocious world.   So showing you care is the most valuable advice I can give anyone.   

If you’re the sort of sub who gets upset and down easily.  Think very hard before entering into being owned.  It can be soul searching and hard at times.  Please reach out to the community if you need to.  It’s a good place to start.  X  

Thanks for reading this if you got this far.  

As always a very loyal and respectful faggot to his owner. BS37SKIN.  here is to a new year and more control exchange.   You really are my world.