Responsibility in Domination & s********n

by DorianTheAlpha

This will be a far less prescriptive post.

It is nothing more than thinking aloud.

This post is about findom dynamics, and its impact on a sub. When brash, brazen and sometimes tactless Alphas demand excess, especially from new accounts or new to findom as a whole: they flee. Sometimes that is ghosting, and all too often full account deletion never to return. I'll be the first to admit, I'm guilty of this, especially in My early days as an Alpha. Now as you read this, a natural rebuke is: "if the pussy can't handle Me, then they shouldn't be here." And yes, as Alphas, subs will never know they countless trolls, timewasters, and other toxic trash We endure. And likewise, it is a sub's respsonsibility to hold themselves accountable: understand what is expected before engaging. After all, you wouldn't enter a boxing match without a parry or a punch, but I digress.

So, where is the line between sustainable domination, and negligent cashgrabbing? It is not a set boundary. Some slaves have much to sacrifice and years of experience. For many others, this might be their very first exposure to sociosexual deviance. Even with study & fervour there's still so much you can only learn: sending, submitting, obeying, deferring to a Superior... experiencing findom first-hand.

Alphas constantly hear the same refrain from subs. Something to the effect of, "But Sir, My last experience with findom, an Alpha asked for [insert large number in the sub's opinion] and then ignored Me/blocked Me." Now, they're often telling the truth. Evidently, others lie for attention. Here many Alphas either dial up their chest-puffing demands, or dispose/block the new sub right then and there. 

So here lie the chasm. On on hand, earnest new subs get bulldozed by greedy Alphas who'd rather bark & bite than conjure any real sense of a findom dynamic. And equally if not more so, subs who will lie, cheat, whine and wallow without ever intending to truly serve. In this sea of mistreament from both sides, how does O/one navigate the vitriol?

Now this boils down quite simply: waste is dime a dozen. Great Masters & subs are a precious rarity.

My question becomes: how as an Alpha do you challenge yourself to avoid or overcome this (obviously this excludes consensual humiliation etc)? And more importantly, to the subs reading this, particularly new faces: I know you may have been used, even discarded before. What you don't know is an Alphas scars always run deeper. We deal with more trash than a landfill. So your wound-licking falls on deaf ears. Does this mean you deserve to be railroaded again? No. But does it entitle you to different standards? Even less so. How can you too can overcome these pitfalls?

Toxicity is universal. Alphas will set targets for subs owned by others, and mistreat subs who then leave the scene for good in shame or disgust. Many slaves more will fail targets, timewaste, cheat on their exclusive Alphas, so on and so on. A corny ending perhaps, but let's simply all... be better.

As an Alpha, know the difference between push your slave to thrive, and push your slave to leave.

As a submissive, know that your past & predilections do not warrant your failures or misconduct.

Cheers to all, and thanks for reading. Stay powerful Gents.

10 Things Specific to Online Financial Domination

10 Things Specific to Online Financial Domination

by DorianTheAlpha

#1 - Discipline

No, not the kinky kind. I’m talking about self-discipline. It’s easy to be motivated at the start, or after a heavy drain, maybe you’ve just owned a new fag or two. Not everyday will be motivating. Some days this might even feel like work, down right discouraging. Discipline is what separates the flashes in the pan from the those who stand the test of time (this is true for Dominants and submissives).

#2 - Communication

Online domination is noisy. Very noisy. Being a strong communicator is a key part of succeeding here, but that doesn’t mean being everywhere all the time. Be thoughtful about where you want to focus your own energy, and in those places: be responsive. With your fellow Alphas, with owned fags, with loyal sluts: make time and be thoughtful in your replies. A stale dynamic rarely lasts long. M/s is above all a relationship.

#3 - Decisions

I wrote this point specifically for Alphas new to online scenes. Timewasting: when a sub seeks free attention without any intention to serve you. The more I consider the idea, the more I realize it presumes an Alpha does not choose how to spend that time. When you indulge a timewaster, you the Alpha spend that time wastefully. It’s important to get to know potential servants. See: communication. Decide with intention, and stand firm by your choices while also…

#4 - Learning

Ultimately, the decisions you make are based on judgment. I’ve made decisions I later changed (past blogs, notably). There is a difference between flip-flopping a choice, and growing as a Dominant. No one is above improvement, and yes even as Alphas we can and are sometimes wrong. Whether it’s a fellow Master, a seasoned sub, or a brilliantly written borderline Nobel-prize-winning calibre blog — there’s always more to learn.

#5 - Responsibility & Ethics

I often hear from Alphas that it’s the sub’s responsibility not to self-destruct. And this is true. Ultimately, kinks like findom are power exchange between two consenting adults. That said, the best dynamics here exist because the Master & slave trust each other, deeply. Be responsible with your subs. Be ethical in your domination. Now, you can still leave a bitch battered, bruised, mouth full of ash, piss, spit, and weeping in a way that they fully consent to & even thank you for while begging for more. Intensity & extremes can and should still be responsibly, ethically carried out.

#6 - Community

Is the cash fun? Obviously. Do you know what’s more fun? The people that make this place great.

It’s called power exchange, not tips exchange. If you *need* the money, then you’re starting this for the wrong reasons (that’s just My perspective). If you’re only interested in heartless cash grabbing, you’re going to grow bored quick regardless of your success. Community is what makes OF, more than anything else.

#7 - Respect

Rule 1 - don’t be a dick. And it is rule #1 for a reason. That goes for Masters to Masters, Masters to fags, and fags to fags (obviously most of all fags to Masters). There’s plenty of Alphas here who use a sharp, punitive tone, while also doing so respectfully. Respect doesn’t have to be soft, or cuddly. I don’t agree with all of you. I don’t even like some of you. But being a toxic twat is a surefire way to alienate yourself or worse get banned from the site. Be better. Respect everyone.

#8 - Start

Unsure whether you’ve got what it takes to dominate online? Try it. Do it. Open your account. Verify, read the rules, and dive right in. Worried messaging subs will make you seem weak? Write them. Send PMs. Test what works best. You can only get better. This is the cliché classic “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. It’s especially true of the online space where you’re just an avatar and a handle until you make yourself more than that. So make yourself more than that.

#9 - Stop

I don’t know who told you to start but that was a horrible idea. Stupid.

I joke, but the notion that you need to be always-on and constantly grinding will burn out the best of us. Taking breaks matters. Prioritizing your health & wellness matters. Remember that there’s more to life than the next tip notification or Pantheon climb. Stop and smell the roses. Call your grandma. Read a book. There will be subs & sending aplenty when you return. This message was brought to you by someone who is constantly failing at this particular point and in general maintaining work/life/kink balance.

#10 - Give Back

Donate to the site. There’s no elaboration here. The man’s growing a moustache for a good cause. If you haven’t put up for it: donate. Men’s health is no joke and last I checked we all had a cock between our legs.

Don’t forget to like & subscribe. New merch available soon. (This is a joke)

10 Signs You Are A Toxic Sub

10 Signs You Are A Toxic Sub

by DorianTheAlpha

It has been a long time since I’ve written a blog post. I try not to retread the same old thoughts I have covered before here; I invite you to read my other entries on topics like tips for newcomer subs, newcomer Masters, among other themes in kink. Today we will address something unfortunately ever-present in power exchange: submissive toxicity. 

Now, let me say at the outset: this does not suggest Masters are not also at fault sometimes. It is possible for Doms to be toxic too. That is a post for another day. Here, I address common behaviours that all subs show at some point — these are signs you are being toxic. A good sub can have a toxic moment. Even the best owned subs slip up. It does not mean you cannot improve. Instead, use this as a reminder to be better. Grow & learn constantly to serve your Master as best you can. These are in no particular order, though personally I would say those highest on the list are the most egregious.

1. Doxxing & Hostility

To dox someone is to reveal their real identity online. If you even feel the hint of an urge to do this: don’t. Never threaten violence, or be hostile. If you feel that level of anger & aggression do to some slight in kink or your dynamic: walk away. This space is not for you if you cannot handle its intensity. Many people here keep their kink lives separate & secret from their career, family, and personal sphere. Any kind of hostile act towards your Dom, any Alpha, or any member of this community is unacceptable. This one should be self-evident.

2. Illegality

Many illegal actions are desirable. Substances, sex acts, even demographics. Regardless, never suggest or bring illegal activities to your Alpha. For some, sex work is their full-time career. For others like myself, this is a supplementary outlet to express my dominant self. When you suggest illegal things, you jeopardize that space. Deviant fun can be legal and still be plenty daring. 

3. Topping from the Bottom

This is when a sub attempts to exert their desires and demands onto their Dominant. It reverses the power exchange: the Master is instead performing a “dominance fantasy” according to the conditions of their submissive role-play leader. Hence, topping from the bottom. This is the worst form of selfishness. Now, you can have submissive desires. And especially with single session play, it is important to voice them to your Dominant. However, in power exchange, your role is to please your Alpha first and foremost. If you have desires, there is a correct way to communicate them. That is not topping from the bottom. So speak properly, humbly, and when in doubt defer to your Master. Don’t be a selfish twat.

4. Inability to Handle Drop

This is most applicable to financial domination, but applies to other intense forms of session play like pain certain sex play. Drop, or sub drop, is a form of guilt and regret that can be all-consuming after intense sessions. In the throes of submissive obedience, you may send more or suffer more than you expected. Some of your limits may be tested. This leads to a lurching depression for many who are new to the feeling. It is your responsibility to manage it. Many Alphas offer guidance, aftercare, and compassion. Some do not. It is not our job to be your therapist. I personally tend to do so, but it is wrong to expect it from your Dominant. This is an adult space, between consenting parties. Behave as such.

5. Jealousy

If I need to explain this one at length, you are the problem. Do not be jealous another sub is sending more, receiving more time with your Alpha, getting more attention in the chat. This is about Alpha pleasure. If you are envious of others, work harder & serve better to achieve those same goals. Better yet, find the maturity to realize that you should only measure yourself against your own servitude.

6. Submissive Poaching

This is a rare case, but does sometimes happen. Never poach other owned subs from another Master to come and serve your Alpha. This is the equivalent of an Alpha poaching a sub; it is no better and just as atrocious. If a sub is unhappy, that is between them and their Master to resolve. An owned dynamic (as defined on the site; not “grey/open” dynamics etc) should always be treated with utmost sanctity and respect. Even between owned subs.

7. Nuisance

Owned or new, don’t be a dick (or a little s**t). There is a reason this is one of the tenets of the chat room, and it extends to private conversation. Don’t play dumb. Don’t be a brat, or rude. Many Masters will converse and dominate subs who have little to send, but speak soundly and offer entertaining banter. Don’t be a nuisance.

8. Over-investing

This is a two-parter, and both matter equally. Do not invest more financially here than you can afford. Doing so is on you if it happens. Never blame your Alpha for your own lack of self-control. Secondly, do not over-invest emotionally. Some Masters dominate with sexual overlap, and sometimes even romantic overlap. This is still kink in power exchange. Don’t let your M/s get messy. Don’t over-invest.

9. Deletion & Relapse

This isn’t even necessarily that annoying, it is just so predictable. Subs who can’t manage the above, generally are those who delete, and come back crawling under some new pseudonym. The relapsers. I suppose it helps that you pay a join fee each time you create an account here. Still, it’s transparent, and laughable. Best avoided if you hope to be a sub in good standing here among Alphas and your fellow subs.

10. Manipulation

The last point here is a broad stroke generalization for all the gaslighting, excuse-making, and other such vapid waste that subs spew in their squabbles with an Alpha. This isn’t a relationship of peers. This isn’t a negotiation. This is kink, s********n, and servitude to your Master. We have heard it all, and we see your pathetic tricks coming a mile away. Save it. 

Avoid these my sweet pets if you do not want to be a toxic sub to your Master.

Serve well, and to my Dominant readers, stay powerful gents. Comments and questions, as always, are welcome.