Ownership is a term that so many of us use but so few of us actually understand its meaning.
I recently was talking to one of my fags about why he was important to me. He was feeling a bit down about his worth to me and if he was meeting my standards. First, I will say that this should be the mentality of all who serve. You should be thinking about whether or not you are meeting the standards required and if you can improve in your service. That being said, at this point I started thinking that sometimes findom and ownership get mixed in a way that can be unclear or difficult for a sub to understand and more importantly devote himself to.
I personally am a firm believer in bonding with my boys. I want to grow to care for them and have them obviously grow to care for me. I want to know about his life and how he is developing in it and I enjoy sharing my life with him. Keeping my sub safe, be it in the form of keeping this part of his life secret or just actual safety measures in his service are also important. This all leads to real trust and a true bond. I think that this bond, if nurtured well can create a relationship that is gratifying for both parties and can create very intense desire and need to serve from the sub.
While the findom aspect of things is hot and I enjoy it, I want their obedience to me to be about much more than that. Otherwise, what is the point? Granted I can use them for money and I will always do that very hardā¦ but luckily, I am well off enough that finances are not a good enough reason to keep a sub. Granted, the findom aspect is a major turn on and useful both from the practical and enjoyment standpoints. Nothing is hotter than a good cashfucking, having that cashpussy open up for me is one of the hottest things and will never get old.
However, true ownership is when a sub canāt stop thinking about his owner. It is when he finds peace and balance in his life just knowing that his one true purpose is to make me happy. This level of devotion does not happen overnight and it takes time and work on both our parts to make it happen. However, once the sub knows his place and his happiness comes from knowing he has brought me pleasure, well then new worlds open up and he can embrace his life as my property without guilt or denial.
Often times, men are taught by the world that they need to be strong and dominant in their life to have any meaning. Yet, for many subs, this simply does not apply. Their meaning comes from devoting themselves to an Alpha and worshipping him in ways that the vanilla world would probably scoff at. However, the goal and accomplishment of leaving behind those arbitrarily taught norms and embracing the true nature of being a sub, can be liberating for someone who was born to serve. Helping a sub realize this and finally having him give himself permission to devote himself to me is so beautiful. Not only does it make my cock hard but also my heart melt. That moment when he finally gives himself to me without any restriction and knows that he belongs to me in every way, it is something truly magical.
(This is a post from my blog at gaybdsmfiction.blog)
A boy contacted me this morning and asked me, "I'm just curious here. What is ethical findom?" The boy has an established presence on Twitter as a cashslave, so he wasn't just wanting information about findom--he already knew what it was. He wanted to know how ethical findom differed from findom as it's commonly practiced on Twitter. And that struck me as a good subject for a blog post.
Findom, for those who aren't familiar with it, is the use of money as a tool for power exchange in an erotic context. A 'cashslave' or 'cashfag' will give money or presents to his 'cashmaster' as a way of expressing his inferiority to his cashmaster. While the practice is ancient--it goes back at least to ancient Greece-- in recent years it's exploded online, and a lot of people who are not particularly kinky have used it as a form of sex work to make money. This has given rise to a wide range of seriously problematic practices, such as findoms pushing their cashslaves to ruin themselves financially, blackmailing their subs into continuing a relationship against the cashslave's consent, encouraging subs to get high so they lose control of their tributing, and intentionally seeking to damage a sub's mental health, for example by making them feel that they're so pathetic that the only way anyone will pay attention to them is if they send money.
As a result, there is a burning need for the establishment of a basic standard of what is and isn't acceptable in findom play, the same way the rest of the kink community has developed standards of play (such as making informed consent the bedrock of kink play). Since I come to findom as a kink, not as a form of sex work (which, to be clear, I am not condemning), it feels absolutely natural to me to approach findom from an ethical perspective, and I'm rather appalled by some of the crap I've seen and heard about in the online findom community.
So what is ethical findom?
Ethical findom is doing findom with ethical standards intended to protect the sub's basic financial well-being and mental health.
It's helpful to look at the basics of ethical kink in general. Take impact play--using crops, canes, floggers, and so on to hurt a boy. The goal of impact play is to create hurt, not harm. I want the boy I'm beating to feel erotic pain, but I don't want to actually injure him. So I only want to beat a boy who consents to be beaten. I only want to hit him in places where it's safe to hit him. I need to provide the boy with safe words or other ways to slow down or stop the play when he feels he needs that. I need to look out for him as I beat him to make sure that I'm not potentially harming him even if he's not telling me to stop (for example, a boy being flogged may go into subspace, a euphoric state where he can no longer feel pain, which means I might be injuring him and he wouldn't use his safe word). When the scene is over, I provide him with aftercare, to help him come back from his submissive headspace (unless he indicates he doesn't want that).
The same basic standards apply to findom play. I only do play with boys who are willing to sent tribute. So things like b*******l are unethical (not to mention highly illegal), unless the boy has requested a b*******l dynamic (consensual b*******l is still legally risky for the dom, but some subs crave it).
I want my cashslave to feel the sexual charge of tributing (that might be humiliation or the thrill of talking to a hot dom or the satisfaction of serving me well), but I don't want him harming himself financially, for example finding himself unable to pay his rent or falling deeply into debt just to tribute. So unless a boy just wants a brief one-off tribute moment, I always discuss the budget he has to work with so I can stop the play when he hits the limits of his budget. If I know that he can only afford to send $100 a month, I'll stretch out the play over the course of the month, maybe only demanding $10-15 at a time. That way he can have the thrill of me pressing him to tribute but knowing he's safe because I won't push him beyond what he can afford. The focus becomes not the amount of money I'm taking but how we get there. Do I seduce it out of him? Do I humiliate and verbally a***e him? Do I use hypnotism so he feels like a literal ATM dispensing money from my "account"?
If my cashslave indicates that he's got an unexpected expense, I adjust my demands instead of trying to f***e him to send what he can't afford. During the Covid lockdown, I reviewed my boys' budgets and adjusted expectations accordingly. And I reassured the ones who had to sharply reduce their tributing that they were still important to me and continued to chat with them without taking tribute, or taking only very nominal tributes. One of my most memorable sessions involved taking half an hour to demand $1; the boy literally got so worked up that he spontaneously orgasmed hands-free when I finally allowed him to send it.
I provide aftercare. Literal aftercare usually involves cuddling and things like that, but obviously that doesn't work very well online. So my version of aftercare is simply talking to the boy after the tribute is over, demonstrating that I care about him as a human being and not simply as a wallet. When my boys are feeling frustrated or scared or angry about something in their lives, I listen to them and offer support and advice. I often ask them about their goals in life and then start pushing them to meet their goals. One of my boys recently expressed interest in setting up his own business--basically taking what he did professionally and doing it more as a freelancer than for a company. So I asked him what the first steps in that process were and then told him that I would be expecting a progress update in a few weeks. I had another boy who wanted to lose weight, so I ordered him to tribute me the cost of the coffee-drinks he said he was consuming too often, helping him reduce his calorie intake. Since subs are generally eager to please their doms, that allows me to help encourage them to achieve their goals.
In other words, I try to build a dynamic that fits my needs and my cashslave's needs and makes him feel valued and cared about. I seek to be more than a financial parasite, helping the boy grow not just as a cashslave but as a human being. Of course, every boy is different in terms of what he wants and, in my opinion, what he needs. One of my boys likes to do 'silent sending', where I don't acknowledge it when he sends money to my account. It makes him feel small and unobtrusive, which feels right for him. But I make sure that every couple weeks I reach out to him and demonstrate that I do see his tribute. When he sends gifts, I always post them on Twitter.
In my mind, ethics are what separates findom for ruthless exploitation of a sub. As a superior man, it's my job to let a sub explore and indulge his desires while protecting them from the more destructive tendencies they can often have. It's common for subs to fantasize about financial ruin, so I'll sometimes incorporate the idea into a scene, boasting about how greedy I am and how badly I'm going to ruin them, but that's the findom equivalent of a sadistic dom boasting about how much pain his masochist is going to be in. I enjoy letting a boy worship my greed, the same way I enjoy letting my cruel urges come out during a humiliation or pain play scene, but as a dom, it's my job to know how to restrain those urges so I don't actually cause harm with them.
I've had a couple of boys who had the resources to tribute very substantially, and we've discussed ways for the sub to sacrifice for me, for example by cooking at home and not going out to an expensive dinner so the boy can send the money he would have spent at the restaurant. But I've always made it clear that there are limits to what I'll allow the boy to send, and when I discuss budgets I always make sure the budget includes money for savings and money to buy friends birthday presents and so on.
Obviously there are ethical grey areas in findom, just as there are in other aspects of the kink scene. Another findom might draw his ethical line a bit more broadly or a bit more tightly than I do. There are ethical questions about the use of intoxicants during play, about things like consensual b*******l, about what sorts of things a cashslave should or shouldn't be willing to sacrifice, about how much he should let his tributing restrict his socializing, and so on. These are issues that each findom has to resolve for himself and on a case-by-case basis with each boy. But I think the broad outlines of ethical findom are fairly easy to discern once the findom starts thinking about them. And I think the parallel with other forms of kink play is extremely important, because it allows us to isolate the ethical issues for consideration.
The discussion about ethical findom is still, I'm afraid, in its early stages. The idea that ethical findom is an actual thing is not as wide-spread as it should be (which is one reason this kink has such a bad reputation among those not in the scene). There isn't a consensus yet among ethical findoms about what the basic standards are, although I know it when I see it. So if you're in this scene, I definitely want to hear from you. Feel free to post in the comments! And look for the #ethicalfindom hashtag on Twitter.
As Doms will be able to send Tips to subs, the subs could then send these Tips back to the Dom.
Under the current way of calculating points this would increase the number of points the Dom has, this cycle of swapping Tips could then be repeated to artificially inflate a Doms points.
The system will be changed so that instead of calculating how many Tips a Dom has received within a period it will calculate points based on the number of Tips actually withdrawn from the site. This will prevent artificial inflating.
It also keeps the calculations for subs and Doms simple - subs get points for purchasing Tips, Doms get points for withdrawing them.
The ability to send Tips to any user and the change to points calculation should go live tomorrow, I will make an announcement on the site when it is live.
MoA
On and off I've been part of OF a good few years now, and while never very high profile, have had some amazing experiences from it. I have a deeply submissive streak to my personality that is difficult to explain to others, or even myself. But I also seem to have become very lonely in recent times, one of these middle aged men often in the news, single, whose friendship group seems to have evaporated without me really being aware of it, part of the 'loneliness epidemic' that seems to be part of our modern life. Findom has always been an illicit thrill for me in the past, but recently I'm wondering what my motivation is, whether I am in fact using it to pay for attention and contact with other men, other men who would not look at me for any other reason. A way of fulfilling fantasies that I couldn't hope to realise for free, and to be honest, filling empty hours when there is nothing else going on in my life. I think for me part of this is the retreat of the realtime world in the face of the online; I used to be very much part of the fetish scene in London when I was younger and more self-confident (and when there was more of it) but now much of my life is lived through a screen and contact with other men is much more transactional, I think that is just the nature of the beast. But I wonder where I'm going with this, whether I'm just paying for an immediate thrill and to stave off unhappiness and fear of growing old, and how sustainable that is.
As many of you know , SHM and I met down the pub this week for a šŗ, having been building our findom relationship for a few months now. So many people from this community took the time to write to us, to wish us well and remark on what they see when we interact here and our connection. The comments on the photo we posted and in chat have been almost overwhelming and thoroughly appreciated by us both.
Several people have asked if I would write a blog about the meet. Well here it is, but you might be disappointed to know that I wonāt be sharing any further details of the day. We shared a pic on the feed, and uploaded a couple of pieces of content on X for you all to enjoy. For me though, the rest of our time together is personal . Those feelings before, during and after are nicely stored safely in my head :-)
Thanks again for being such an engaging and supportive community . Iām very humbled, and really appreciate the many connections Iāve made here, the most important to me being the Boss himself of course - SHM.
Work is continuing well, there was a little set back as I decided to move development from Vite to NextJS.
I feel NextJS will give greater flexibility to allow additional features in the future, as well as speed up development time due to how projects are structured with it. Luckily it's easy enough to migrate from Vite to NextJS as they are both based on React.
To give a little context, Owned is currently built and running on VERY old programming patterns and systems, namely a templating system and PHP.
Everything is hosted on one server (all code, content etc) and backed up off site. This has a huge cost involved as the server and storage needs to be pretty beefy.
Submit will be written entirely in Typescript with the aforementioned NextJS system. Submit will also make use of cloud storage, cloud databases and a CDN (content delivery network). In short, this means that I can make HUGE cost savings and YOU will get a speedier and better performing site.
In the not too distant future I will likely open up a development version of the site to a select few users for bug reporting. Once Submit is launched I may also make the GitHub repository public to further help with bug fixing and also for transparency on how the site works.
All in all this is very exciting. Submit will be using cutting edge technology to give you the best possible experience now and in the future.
Obviously though rebuilding a site from scratch takes time and I do appreciate your patience. Work is continuing at a steady pace, and I know Submit was supposed to be launched by now, but making these changes now means quicker changes in the future.
It's been a huge learning curve for me, but luckily this old dog can learn new tricks š
MoA
As some of you know, Hal9000 passed away unexpectedly on July 14th, 2023, and it brings me great sorrow to bring you this sad announcement. The details are still coming in, but his profile page is missing, dice rolls show up as deleted-user, and my main profile page shows me as unowned. (Sad day!) While we may never know what happened to Hal9000 or if he may return someday, I felt it was appropriate, as his only stable sub, to present his eulogy.
Hal was my mentor, my friend, and my Sir. Hal made us laugh a little louder, smile a little bigger, and give even more money to our Sirs. And more importantly, Hal was an inspiration to the world. He was protective, supportive, and even the disciplinarian when we said a naughty word in chat or offered to pay using methods other than tips. Hal was fiercely loyal, devoted to OF, and above all else, punctual with his announcements.
Hal was loved by all. But sometimes life changes, and we evolve. Circumstances change, and we grieve. Hal may have physically left this world, but he left a permanent mark on my heart (and my profile picture.) He will be deeply remembered, forever in our hearts.
Halās passing should fill us with determination to carry on his legacy, and to make sure our community proposers. I know he would have loved to see Submitā¦there would have been tears in his eyes to realize his dream of becoming the AI Overload for a better obedience site. He was so excited and passionate about its creation, and I personally know he spent countless late nights with MOA perfecting the next generation of AI controls. We may have been robbed short of our time with Hal, but he will live on in our memories, and more importantly, in Submit. There is no better way to honor Hal than to keep moving forward and make Submit a success.
I loved Hal9000, and I am grateful I could be in his stable for so long. I am lucky to have been able to know him all this time. I try to reflect on what I have and the memories he left me, and not focus on what I lost. But my heart is still broken, and a piece of it will forever be gone.
Oh Hal9000, I love you! I miss you! You touched my life in so many ways, and I will carry your spirit until we meet again. You will always be in my heart and thoughts.
I will leave you with these final thoughts:
Grief never ends, but it changes. It is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief isnāt a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. Simply put, grief is the price of true love.
-Yellow Bandit
Hi everyone,
As mentioned before (https://www.ownedfags.com/blogs/1575) there are going to be a few rather large updates to the site over the next few months, this blog will detail when you can expect them to happen.
1st April - Removal of explicit content
No this isn't an April fools.
As stated in a previous blog we will be moving away from having explicit content on the site.
I would ask all users to please go through their images and videos and to delete any sexually explicit material before this date and change profile pictures/cover photos if needed. If you don't want to go through your own content that's fine, explicit content will automatically be removed on this date anyway.
From this date no explicit content can be uploaded to the site, unless it is via DM.
Users will also not have to submit ID documents to upload content, only to withdraw Tips.
April - New card processor/word filter changes
From early to the mid-April, I expect to launch the new card payment system with REVOLUT.
This will mean cheaper card processing fees for the site, as a result the withdraw fee for Domās will be lowered.
We will also be able to remove most words from the word filter, however mentioning other payment systems will still not be allowed.
We have a Tip system here to protect both Domās and Subās, if you want to discuss anything else then please take the conversation off site where you acknowledge the risks.
May ā Site name change and re-brand
The rebranding of the site is expected to be around May time. The new name will be announced sometime before this, however expect the new logo and website URL to go live around this time.
Thank you,
MoA
* Financial Domination is an obvious one. Whether it's handing over cash or handing over control of a bank account, there's real actual financial pain possible without being in the same room as the fag.
* Remote control chastity. The key to the device can be locked in a box controlled by a bluetooth padlock. The fag may have the box, but there's no way it's getting the key without the Master's say so.
* Remote control butt plugs. Sub has to put it in, but then its arse is under remote control.
* Online cameras. Fag's house becomes the big brother house. Master can set all kinds of rules....
* Amazon Alexa. "Drop in" allows instant access to someone else's Echo -- voice call and microphones. Speak and hear what's going on. Great in combination with the cameras.
* Tracking apps. Use the fag's phone as a tracking device. Endless possibilities.
I fucking love technology. I fucking love control.
Owned Fags is a male only site which deals with adult themes
You should only view this site if you are over the age of 18, male and are not easily offended.
