It is common for people to take a step back and dedicate a portion of their time to self reflection at the beginning of a new year.
As opposed to making that process coincident with the Earth completing yet another boring loop around the Sun, I like to entertain such thoughts closer to my birthday instead (the 5th of April), which seems like a much better occasion and excuse to celebrate and look back.
By the time I turn thirty seven next week, I will have been a member of this site for almost three years, and I think that it is fair to say that this site has changed me; not in a drastic, or in a bad way. But the more we grow, the more we find ourselves wanting to learn and experience new things, for which change is usually a suitable mechanism to go through.
This has always been a trait of mine, also in my personal and my professional life: I do not like stagnation and I do not do well staying at idle over extended periods of time.
My time in OF has not been any different.
When I first joined, I found myself surrounded by people who, for the first time, understood a very personal part of me that I had rarely shown to anyone else.
I would say that my communication style back then was certainly more assertive, if not borderline aggressive. Perhaps under the misconception (unfortunately shared by many) that such were the tools and characteristics of Dominants.
Being, at the time, surrounded by a number of very successful Alphas with a clear bias towards leather, boots worshiping, or pain-play (kinks which were not particularly high up on my list of preferences, or not as high as they were in theirs, at least), made me question my approach to domination compared to theirs.
I was still feeling a sense of belonging, but there were very significant differences between us that I struggled to reconcile.
Yet, these guys managed to pique my interest on a continued basis, and even brought a competitive side out of me, wanting me to do better within the scene. And the ability to motivate others is something that I will always admire in people.
The chat room was a fundamental tool for me to gain perspective. I found myself chatting with other users for hours, subs and Doms alike, getting to know them better, appreciating the nuances of their dynamics, learning about what made them tick, getting insights into their psyche, and eventually bounding with them.
And, as I learnt more from them and about them, I also learnt more about myself: what fascinated me the most about this site was and will always be the human interactions.
It is not about sums of money, it is not about the rankings, it is not about sex; it is about building trusting relationships:
With my fellow Doms, because they are individuals sharing a rather unique and uncommon kink with me.
And with subs, because the unquestioning obedience that most of us seek comes from building trust and developing relationships, rather than from proclaiming a title and dictating rules.
And, as it happens, I have always been good and thoroughly enjoyed building relationships.
I did not need the gear, I did not need the aggressiveness and, for what is worth, I did not even need a face. I just had to continue exploring the beauty of human interactions and their multiple facets to find my place.
As a wise submissive from this site said once (yes, there are A LOT of smart, incredibly intelligent, and wise submissives around): the rest are nothing more than tools to “lubricate” such relationships.
Fast-forward a couple of years, my approach has not changed much ever since that initial realisation. What has drastically changed is who I choose to cultivate those relationships with, and how much energy I opt to invest in each of them.
Arguably, it is a matter of deciding “whether if the juice is worth the squeeze”. And if you think I am talking about cash, think again; subs and Doms can offer a lot more than that.
I have significantly reduced my interactions in the chat room, I have not made as much contributions to the site as I used to, but I am still enjoying it, having fun and I plan to continue celebrating birthdays as a member of Submit for years to come.
I would urge you to dwell and dig deeper too. Open up (not only sexually, but also mentally), make your dynamics varied, get creative.
Transactional interactions can be fun, but they are usually short-lived.
As I often tell my subs: in a few years time, you will not remember the individual tributes you received or made, but you will certainly cherish the way some of them made you feel and the interactions that you had the opportunity to share along the way.
Don't wait slaves, there'll never be the right time. Start where you stand and go on your knees right away and work with whatever tool you've at your command and better tools will be found as you go along with a MASTER . The best way of measuring success to your slavery journey is just accessing what impact you've made in a Master life. Today, make a conscious effort in making a difference in A MASTER life.
Allow your pathetic clitty to decide and lead you to a great Master not to be fool by your brainless decision as useless Scum you are always
There was this kid I met through a findom website. I say 'kid' but he was in his mid-20s and had served two tours of duty in the US Army. He was a good kid -- but life had dealt him quite a few tough hands. We chatted a bit and had a bit of a dynamic going on -- but nothing serious.
One day we were chatting and came up with a new proposal. I would take oversight of his finances, and use that to control him. It was a fun prospect. He found a website that could link to all his bank/credit/savings accounts and give a dashboard overview of all his spending and balances. It was a 'read only' view: he could give me the password without allowing me to spend his money.
Quickly it became clear that his spending was chaotic. He was a student and living quite modestly, but had no concept of controlling his spending, or making a budget. So we went through and created a budget, designed to deliver a small surplus at the end of each month. The deal would be that half of the surplus was due to be handed over to me, and the other half would go to his savings.
And so, day by day, week by week, I kept oversight of his spending, and made sure he stuck to the budget. Spending that was out of line incurred a penalty -- an extra amount to be added to the amount owed to me. When he broke down and paid other FinDoms, the penalty was that he had to add twice as much to his debt to me. With regular contact, this started to fuck with his head. Every frivolous expenditure made him feel like he was robbing me, because it reduced the monthly surplus. He learned to visualise me every time he used his debit card. He remarked on how invasive and taboo it was to have someone else looking at the intimate details of his bank account. It was a very intense relationship for a while --- even though we only met once in this period (living on different continents).
The process worked, and he quickly understood how to set a budget, and how to keep to it. I had no intention of actually taking a pay-out: he was living far too close to the edge for me to think that ethical. But he believed that I would. And that was enough.
After about six months, the arrangement came to a natural end with a change of circumstances. His debt to me was quite significant. At that point he figured out --- maybe he figured it out earlier --- that I wasn't going to collect there and then. But the deal is that someday when he's a bit richer, he owes me a pair of Wesco boots.
The kid turned his finances around and now understands how to budget. He even plays it forward and dominates other subs --- though I think he takes their money. It was an intense, horny, satisfying experience with real power exchange, without any money changing hands. Findom comes in many flavours.
10 Signs You Are A Toxic Sub
by DorianTheAlpha
It has been a long time since I’ve written a blog post. I try not to retread the same old thoughts I have covered before here; I invite you to read my other entries on topics like tips for newcomer subs, newcomer Masters, among other themes in kink. Today we will address something unfortunately ever-present in power exchange: submissive toxicity.
Now, let me say at the outset: this does not suggest Masters are not also at fault sometimes. It is possible for Doms to be toxic too. That is a post for another day. Here, I address common behaviours that all subs show at some point — these are signs you are being toxic. A good sub can have a toxic moment. Even the best owned subs slip up. It does not mean you cannot improve. Instead, use this as a reminder to be better. Grow & learn constantly to serve your Master as best you can. These are in no particular order, though personally I would say those highest on the list are the most egregious.
1. Doxxing & Hostility
To dox someone is to reveal their real identity online. If you even feel the hint of an urge to do this: don’t. Never threaten violence, or be hostile. If you feel that level of anger & aggression do to some slight in kink or your dynamic: walk away. This space is not for you if you cannot handle its intensity. Many people here keep their kink lives separate & secret from their career, family, and personal sphere. Any kind of hostile act towards your Dom, any Alpha, or any member of this community is unacceptable. This one should be self-evident.
2. Illegality
Many illegal actions are desirable. Substances, sex acts, even demographics. Regardless, never suggest or bring illegal activities to your Alpha. For some, sex work is their full-time career. For others like myself, this is a supplementary outlet to express my dominant self. When you suggest illegal things, you jeopardize that space. Deviant fun can be legal and still be plenty daring.
3. Topping from the Bottom
This is when a sub attempts to exert their desires and demands onto their Dominant. It reverses the power exchange: the Master is instead performing a “dominance fantasy” according to the conditions of their submissive role-play leader. Hence, topping from the bottom. This is the worst form of selfishness. Now, you can have submissive desires. And especially with single session play, it is important to voice them to your Dominant. However, in power exchange, your role is to please your Alpha first and foremost. If you have desires, there is a correct way to communicate them. That is not topping from the bottom. So speak properly, humbly, and when in doubt defer to your Master. Don’t be a selfish twat.
4. Inability to Handle Drop
This is most applicable to financial domination, but applies to other intense forms of session play like pain certain sex play. Drop, or sub drop, is a form of guilt and regret that can be all-consuming after intense sessions. In the throes of submissive obedience, you may send more or suffer more than you expected. Some of your limits may be tested. This leads to a lurching depression for many who are new to the feeling. It is your responsibility to manage it. Many Alphas offer guidance, aftercare, and compassion. Some do not. It is not our job to be your therapist. I personally tend to do so, but it is wrong to expect it from your Dominant. This is an adult space, between consenting parties. Behave as such.
5. Jealousy
If I need to explain this one at length, you are the problem. Do not be jealous another sub is sending more, receiving more time with your Alpha, getting more attention in the chat. This is about Alpha pleasure. If you are envious of others, work harder & serve better to achieve those same goals. Better yet, find the maturity to realize that you should only measure yourself against your own servitude.
6. Submissive Poaching
This is a rare case, but does sometimes happen. Never poach other owned subs from another Master to come and serve your Alpha. This is the equivalent of an Alpha poaching a sub; it is no better and just as atrocious. If a sub is unhappy, that is between them and their Master to resolve. An owned dynamic (as defined on the site; not “grey/open” dynamics etc) should always be treated with utmost sanctity and respect. Even between owned subs.
7. Nuisance
Owned or new, don’t be a dick (or a little s**t). There is a reason this is one of the tenets of the chat room, and it extends to private conversation. Don’t play dumb. Don’t be a brat, or rude. Many Masters will converse and dominate subs who have little to send, but speak soundly and offer entertaining banter. Don’t be a nuisance.
8. Over-investing
This is a two-parter, and both matter equally. Do not invest more financially here than you can afford. Doing so is on you if it happens. Never blame your Alpha for your own lack of self-control. Secondly, do not over-invest emotionally. Some Masters dominate with sexual overlap, and sometimes even romantic overlap. This is still kink in power exchange. Don’t let your M/s get messy. Don’t over-invest.
9. Deletion & Relapse
This isn’t even necessarily that annoying, it is just so predictable. Subs who can’t manage the above, generally are those who delete, and come back crawling under some new pseudonym. The relapsers. I suppose it helps that you pay a join fee each time you create an account here. Still, it’s transparent, and laughable. Best avoided if you hope to be a sub in good standing here among Alphas and your fellow subs.
10. Manipulation
The last point here is a broad stroke generalization for all the gaslighting, excuse-making, and other such vapid waste that subs spew in their squabbles with an Alpha. This isn’t a relationship of peers. This isn’t a negotiation. This is kink, s********n, and servitude to your Master. We have heard it all, and we see your pathetic tricks coming a mile away. Save it.
Avoid these my sweet pets if you do not want to be a toxic sub to your Master.
Serve well, and to my Dominant readers, stay powerful gents. Comments and questions, as always, are welcome.
Your mind gets weak, your knees get soft, your hands start shaking, your voice starts trembling.
It's happening again... That familiar feeling, the urges you just can't fight.
You cannot handle the fact that you lose the right of calling yourself a „man“ when being in the presence of cocky, muscular and mean alphas like me.
You are nothing more than a shy little submissive girl, when experiencing my macho presence.
You feel the urge of dropping to your knees and lapping away at my cock, while firmly grabbing my thick, strong hairy legs.
You feel the urge of opening your wallet and getting rid of one ÂŁ10 note after the other and handing it over to me.
Because you know that I deserve it more...and could take it in any case if I wanted to.
You are nothing against me. I am ridiculously superior to you in any imaginable aspect.
Don’t try to hide or escape. Your pathetic attempt to deny my superiority makes no logical sense. Submit NOW and accept your fate.
You know it is inevitable anyway.
At the behest of our most dear MOA, a fictional short (given my non-fiction at best gets mixed reviews)...
Some stories begin about a quiet girl, moving to a small rainy town. Vampires hide in plain sight. Tribal werewolves are stolid custodians of the land for generations long since passed. Love and lust fuel conflict and calamity, where the only thing more powerful than fleeting life is love's immortality. This is not that shitty story. No, this tells a far more gripping tale... one of obedience, of struggle, and of two owned fags quarrelling on command.
It all begin in the dead of the night. A man, some say more than that, had been out at the pub. It'd been a long day in a longer year, and the evening's end whispered. Though he spends his day working, he couldn't help but drift back to it for a quick chat. Sure enough, some light banter was afoot. A sissy and a tame fag were exchanging pleasantries. The banality of it all simply did not suit the Supreme. He stepped in swiftly, "Sos. Subcorey. The two of you will duel. I want to know whom among these lowly bottoms would be the top. Amuse the Master of all." The soft music that wandered through the café's dim lit air stumbled to a halt as the vinyl's needle fell out of the groove. The barback, a long-time member of the café by the name coloslutty, stopped breathless as he wiped the countertops.
MOA's voice boomed, "All the tables to the wall. I want a space in the middle. Time for some fun..."
The two slaves knew what was to come next. Sheepishly, they stripped down to the nude. The café snickered with laughter in anticipation. In the corner, stood a brooding figure, chomping a thick, long, dark cigar. Clad in leather, only two steely eyes cut their way across the room. He gave MOA a nod. No more was needed. In the other corner, a headless figure sat, with his pen floating across the page. He seemed to be noting the events at hand. He too gave MOA that same knowing nod.
Permissions set. There would... a tussle. The naked fags stood just a few paces apart. The café tense with eager excitement.
Seconds of silence felt like hours. An entire room of baited breaths... and then, "Begin!" MOA sternly shouted.
With a feral pounce, sissy lunged beneath corey's lumbering arm, to quickly take his back. Regardless of being lowly slaves, watching two men wiggle and writhe in struggle had the whole room in heat... whispers of approval quickly turned to bellowing cheers, save the two respective owners who watched on in silence. The sissy clung the corey's buxom chest, but the Canadian faggot used every ounce of his heft to shake off the dainty damsel. Losing no time, the slut leapt back at corey, wrestling face to face, their lips just inches apart. Seeming half dance, half distress both fags' little cocks quickly began to twitch. Despite the hunger to win, it was obvious everyone in the room was savouring the ecstasy at play. With a burly toss, corey picked up the sissy and tossed her to the floor, landing on top of her. That heavy stomach pressed down on her delicate frame, but her lithe limbs kept his control at bay. Mounted, the little whore seemed almost wanting the thick fag to press down upon her, but she knew she needed to win for her Master. A quick twist of corey's dicklet, and he squealed in agony... quickly MOA stated, "I'll allow it."
With corey's tiny cock in the slut's hand, she knew that leverage would be her only way to victory. A barreling leg struck away the sissy's grasp, and corey crawled back up to his knees. Sweat began to sprinkle the floor. Two alabaster bodies glistening as the sheer endurance of tussling began to set in... Sheepishly, the sissy ambled forward toward corey gasping for air. In reply, corey hardly managed to defend her assault. The only body parts clearly still at the ready were their puny cocklets, now leaking precum across the café floor mixing in with the many droplets of sweat...
Through the crowd, came a mountain of a man. Strangely, he was naked wearing only a pendant on a string. A piercing sapphire amulet with cyan and white rings.
MOA ceased the fighting, "Stop. Chub stands before us. Chub... say what you must."
The towering titan spoke, "Why not bumper cars instead?"
And then they played bumper cars and neither won. The end.
When i see some amazing fellow fags here tributing figures more than i earn in a week, it does get me down that i can't do better for my Owner. He currently works hard and long hours in a good job with a lot of responsibilities over others in turbulent times, so doesn't currently have a lot of time that other Masters have to help fags to hand over what he deserves and is rightfully his. That frustrates me because he is the most wonderful and most deserving Alpha Man. I love him. He always wants what's best for me, and looks after me and my development as a subordinate inferior to real Men that i had never imagined possible... not only in findom. He always finds the time, even when he's busy working. I never expect anything, but he is always there, ready to help.
But in the end, we all do what we can, or should do, to our own abilities. Over the past year since he found me, he's taught me so much about how right findom is for me, and how it's right for me to change how i live for the One who deserves my devotion. I owe him such a lot for showing me where i fit into things. He has developed me as a sissy for str8 men to use me, which is something i initially resisted but now feel very confident in as i get used more and more by local real Men. It's something which really helps my image of myself as a subordinate to be used, and has become deeply rewarding for me as i see myself less as a man and more as an object to be used.
I've grown in confidence in my natural role and confidence in my position in life as a 'loser', and express it forthrightly in the chatroom. I'm aware that can be irritating to some. I've expressed to my Owner my concern about my ego, but he has told me that my ego is fine, and i should be proud of what has been achieved under his training and to express it. But humility has to come first, and I dislike that i've become a loud-mouthed faggot, unable to control my enthusiasm for my progress and improvement in his care.
My current target is set for a year, and is significantly more than the ÂŁ1,800 or so of last year. It gives me a sense of long term stability under him. The heavily increased amount reflects previously undeveloped areas where i can make further cuts and savings that haven't been tapped, and gives me a constant awareness that i have to achieve more for him. I'm very grateful to him for enabling it, and providing the stability it provides.
More recently, i am undergoing what i refer to as therapy sessions with him on Skype, as we talk face to face, with intox and poppers in what is my real condition as a sissy girl. It is proving to be intensely productive in my development, and really impacting on my mental development in the right direction for me.
I know i owe him such a lot. I'm one very lucky faggot. All any of us can do is our very best, and we should all continually reach for that goal.
I have responded to 3 message from a faggot. One of the messages read; "HI Sir. I love how blunt and b****l you are to fags like me. Makes me feel like I have no choice but to comply Sir". So I checked it's profile and scand some of the things it done. That included sending gifts/tribute to other Masters and nothing in his profile said it did not like/do cyber. So how do you think I replayed? Of cause I demanded service. You guess what replay I gote; "sorry Sir I only serve people I meet for real". Well OK I don't have a problem with faggots only serving people that meat for real. Thats OK. What I have a problem with is; Did the fag really think I did not look at it's past actions. Did the fag think I did not look at it's profile. Dose the fag think I am a fool. It would appear it dose not have two brain cells to rub together. What it should have said was. "Sorry Sir, with respect I don't feel you do it for me." Or they should put in there profile that they only serve in real meetings. Yes I know, no faggot wants to say that but from my view it's better for a faggot to be honest.
In a conversation you will sometimes read "in the real world" or "in real life".
It may be that some Masters and fags see Findom as something totally separate from their 'real lives'. It may be just a fetish or a way to try and make some money on the side.
But if it is something you indulge regularly, it is a part of your 'real life'. You may wish to separate it from the rest of your life because of shame or because it's not something you want to associate with who you are 'in reality'.
For many of us, Findom is very much our 'real life', and is as much a part of it as going to work, shopping, or going out with friends.
When i first met my Master on Twitter, i didn't know what i was looking for, other than to submit to a Real Man. He showed me that he could transform my life in a real way and make my s********n to him impact on the rest of my life. Over the past year, He has transformed my life from being a selfish fag to living only on what i need, and he removes the rest of my earnings to his own account.
That is an amazing gift he has given me, enabling me to show genuine s********n to his superiority, and emboldening my own sense of my natural inferiority and purpose in life. Through audio files and regular work on me, and encouraging me to be used by other Alpha Men locally, he has helped me to embrace my true self, my degeneracy, and to labour each day for a Man who deserves to have what i earn more than i do. The mental changes have been very real, and my life priorities have been changed. He keeps me safe. He is the most important Man in my life, and he has my 100% trust, obedience and confidence that he wants what right and best for me.
This is "the real world", and everything else in life is effected and influenced by it.
Different Masters and fags approach Findom in different ways, and all those ways are legitimate if that is what they want. However, when you refer to the rest of your life as "the real world", remember that there is nothing more real than Findom and how it impacts on lives.
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You should only view this site if you are over the age of 18, male and are not easily offended.
